I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Randomize
