is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize