saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
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