When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
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