Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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