Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
do herpes really smell.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
