How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
