Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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