Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Randomize
