New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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