ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
