I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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