"it" just moved
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Randomize
