My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
