You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
