I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize