remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
