That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Randomize
