Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Randomize
