You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Randomize
