I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
