Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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