Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
In other news, I just burned my penis
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Randomize
