I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I can't turn off my feet"
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Randomize
