my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Randomize
