I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Randomize
