First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Randomize
