I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Randomize
