he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
3pm strippers are depressing
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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