the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
