Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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