once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
