I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I think I sprained my soul last night
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
