Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
