Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Randomize
