Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Randomize
