Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
What a fucking waste of an outfit
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
