I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize