Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
I have post one night stand depression
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
