If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
