Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Randomize