would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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