I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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