My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
