You really coming over, don't trick.
Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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