I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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