you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
