3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize