If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Randomize
