Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
two words...techno handjob
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Couch. On fire.
Randomize
