Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
