i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize