you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
