I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
