I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
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