I'm sorry my penis didn't work
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Randomize
