Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Randomize
