Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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