I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
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