I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize
