i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Randomize
