Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Randomize
