12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
