I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
